I'm Confused

Over the last year or so I have been piecing together what I want to do with my life (ironically this all started when I was in my last semester of school for health information technology which is what I don't want to do). What I would love to do is produce and market television shows or podcasts, maybe even some event planning. Basically anything creative in the entertainment world for people to enjoy. That realization is an amazing feeling because I have found what I love and am passionate about, but it is also super scary and confusing because it is a completely new direction. I am used to being settled, my parents are my rock and provided with me with love and security. Right now though I have no idea where life is taking me I just have to roll with the punches and work towards my goal. I am considering making another move to Kansas City to work with my brother in law on media production for his church. Which is an opportunity that I can't pass up. He and I had a wonderful conversation about the different directions and opportunities that could lead to. Even working in California. I wondered about going to school but he basically told me that if I get a degree in communications there will be thousands of graduates just like me and all in debt, but if I work with him and gain experience and stay out of debt I will be in a much better place to market myself for jobs. Even though I am not where I want to be (I seriously hate my job, it makes me depressed and the bad kind of stressed), the one thing I am glad about my career choice so far is that it has allowed me to be out of debt, gain work experience, and the freedom to keep my options opened because I am financially independent. I am pretty decided in moving forward with this, but I have so much doubt and am driving myself crazy with the pros and cons. I feel if I move I will be further away from certain family, have to leave a church family that I love and haven't had since high school, and I really do like St. Louis.Then I will have to find a new day job because that work I'd being doing for the church would be on a volunteer basis for now.  But then it's experience I would never get and could lead to many amazing things, I would get to live with my sister and her kids who I adore, and I could take a break between jobs. I feel like I have to pick and choose, and I fear that i'll never have it "all" meaning my whole family together, an amazing job, in a city with friends I love. Honestly, I am questioning my ability and my biggest doubt is in myself. I am constantly reminding myself that I just have to do my best for God in all my en devours, bloom where I'm planted, and God will be faithful through it all, good, bad, and ugly. Somehow I always question God's plan even though he has brought me through so much and has been so good to me. Trying to control things and force my own plans hasn't worked out for me thus far, God is so much bigger. I just have to focus on that and maintain a greater perspective. Anyway, that is where I am at right now in a constant state of panic attacks or elation. It is a confusing and exciting place to be, but again thankfully God is faithful.

Why the Nerd Machine Matters

I attended Nerd HQ for the first time this year, a dream of mine for 2 years now. Sadly I was unaware of what Nerd HQ was or even that The Nerd Machine existed until Zac did his promo asking for support to fund the event in 2014. I had just been introduced to Chuck in 2013 and have followed his endeavours ever since. When I found out about Nerd HQ 2014 it was too late for me to go, and I quickly started making plans to go in 2015. Unfortunately I was a poor college student at the time, so I was unable to afford the trip. I had also been wanting to see Zac on Broadway this year, but I had just started a new job and was not able to get the time off. But I digress...

There are 3 years why The Nerd Machine and what they do is so important -

1. They do business for a greater purposes

You look and Comic Con, and it's great and fun, but what is it for? To make money and promote new stuff for people to consume. Nothing wrong with that at all! The Nerd Machine has just decided they are going to business a little differently. They've chosen Operation Smile for their charity of choice which is an amazing organization that provides surgeries for children with cleft lips and palates in underdeveloped areas around the world. It's such an easy and clear cut mission and a charity I can fully get behind.

2. They bring people together

Everyone I met at Nerd HQ was awesome, especially the volunteers. It has brought so many people from different walks of life to a common interest. I have a hard time making friends, I see new people my instinct is to run and hide, but I met so many people (some of who I had been interacting with through twitter) and it was so easy. I quickly came out of my shell because I felt safe and comfortable everyone there. I saw someone compare their experience with the nerd family as something they had only heard about experiencing in a church community (please read Shannon Fox's blog about Nerd HQ it was beautiful). That just blew my mind. That is exactly what the church community should look like

3. They Love Jesus

Lastly and most importantly they do what they do because they believe God is love and they want to share that. Reason one and two only happens because of their core values and faith. Most of the people I met where Christians which made me so happy, and the people who may not understand the Christian faith got to experience what that loves looks like first hand. When passion and mission come together with the focus on God it's unbelievably cool.

I hope that I can attend Nerd HQ for as long as I can, I am most certainly going to try and volunteer. It hit me while I was there that, everything I'm passionate about completely aligns with what The Nerd Machine is doing, it was an overwhelming feeling. Biggest highlight was that mini Chuck reunion panel (I laughed so hard I was crying), and I got to meet Zac and look in the eye and give him a sincere thank you (to which he just patted my head) and was able to meet David Coleman and tell him thank you. Dave and Zac have the biggest hearts and it shines through so brightly at HQ. They put so much love in what they do it's insane. My biggest regret that there was so much more I wanted to do and say and people to meet. I just have to remind myself that this is only the beginning of many great memories to come.

Thank You Zachary Levi

In all the excitement of Zachary Levi's Tony nomination this past week, I have felt overwhelmed with the urge to express my support and gratitude for his work and presence in the celebrity community.

I was first introduced to Zachary Levi's body of work with Chuck only a few months after it had finished in 2012. My parents actually suggested I watch it (might I add my parents are exceptionally cool and my dad has designated himself as Colonel Awesome). I had just graduated from those traumatizing years in high school where I struggled with serious social anxiety, self-loathing and depression looking towards people for positive attention and validation who simply could not full fill that void of emptiness. Well the worst was behind me and I was attending community college and finally taking care of myself and even though I was doing better I felt emotionally exhausted, numb and bored. I kept my life very low key during my community college years, and had lots of free time so I took up my parents suggestion and watched Chuck.

Now I have always been a huge film buff, and love the powerful stories they portray. That being said, nothing has ever come close to emotionally impacting me the way Chuck did. I strongly identified with the every man character, underachiever, a bit awkward, but just looking for a genuine honest life where they can make a difference. I laughed, I cried, it moved me. And it couldn't have come at a more perfect time. My niece was also born in 2012, so the combination of Chuck bringing some joy in my life, as well as my niece which gave me excitement and hope for the future that I had the opportunity to watch her grow and be a part of her life really helped me out of my slump.

Fast forward to today, my family has continued to grow and bring such support and biggest light in my life, I graduated from community college and moved from Chicago to St. Louis, and even through life is still hard I have the possibility of an exciting future to look forward to. I have also been following Zac's other works and learned more about his story and have been inspired by Zac himself. Here is a guy doing his best with what God gave him (which is mad talent BTW) , and doing it with such grace and humility, Now I know he has his share of struggles and battles with his own demons (but don't we all? it's just the human condition). From what I have gathered though, Zac seems such an honest genuine person who is just humbly trying to serve Jesus. Just so you know Zac, the way you live your life is a real testimony for Him.

So to finish, I just want to say thank you Zac for the joy, hope and inspiration you have brought in my life and offer you some encouragement, I know that only true healing and restoration of the heart comes from God, and I still struggle and have to lay that before Jesus everyday, but I just want you to know that God has used you as a powerful tool in my life to bring some peace. For that I am truly grateful.

I genuinely wish I could show you my appreciation and support as well as congratulations by attending She Loves Me, but unfortunately I cannot, so for now this will have to do. Maybe one day I can tell you in person thank you. (crossing fingers for NerdHQ 2016)

New Year, New Beginngs

This upcoming new year is going to be a big one, starting January 4th I will start a new job at St. Louis University Hospital as a medical coder in the surgery department, and will officially be a Missouri resident again. I have not lived in Missouri since I was 4, and have never moved away from Chicago, not even temporarily for college. I will know no one except for my brother and his family (and hopefully more family will move towards the Cardinal nation :)). This is the biggest and scariest step and leap of faith I have taken personally thus far. But it has been a long time coming,

The last three years I have kept my life very low key, my main focus was family and school. After graduating high school, and our family stopped going to Lakeside church, I have not felt at home. I have felt unsettled with my life, and did not really want to get involved with a church or small group because I didn't know where things where going. My community college years just felt like a long transitional period. Things have changed a lot during that time. My family grew bigger (2 new in-laws and 1 niece and 3 new nephews), I grew smaller (lost 25 pounds), and got lots of experience working in my field. Now I know where things are headed, and I'll be settled hopefully for a long time in St. Louis. It's overwhelming to think about moving, but at the same time I am relieved the job hunt is over and I can start to plant roots somewhere again.

Anyway, that is the big news that is going on in my life. I have not had much to share in the last few years, God has really been teaching me patience and trusting his timing.

Daytona Beach Summer Project - PTL :)

Got home from Project last night. I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to serve with some amazing people, do fun activities and overall learned a lot about God, myself, and others. It's crazy how God perfectly sets things in your life that you need at the perfect time. I was asked a few weeks ago to be a leader for the Cru at OCC, I said yes but honestly had doubts about it. This past two weeks I have learned a number of important skills in what it means to be a leader, and I am excited for how God is going to use me this upcoming school year! I was also so encouraged by all the people I met in project, which is something I have been missing for a while. It was great to be able to have fellowship and share in each others lives. I didn't realize how much I would miss everyone, but I honestly feel like I made some lifetime friends.

As for the rest of this summer, I will be volunteering at Advocate Lutheran General Hospital, and counseling at Lakeside's Camp Chi-Ko. 

Well, thats about all the update I have! 

2013

So, 2012 is came to an end, and it was a big year! Graduated from high school, went to prom, two more additions to the family Chloe and Rose, new job at an after school program, and got through my first semester of College! But often good come with the bad, leaving high school was bittersweet with having to say goodbye to friends, searching for a new church, and the passing away of my Uncle Doug.

It amazes me how God uses blessings and trials to bring forth His Kingdom and how he continues to reveal to me my place in His plan. This year I learned to rely on God to provide and to trust in His sovereignty. Through that I was able to see more of Gods blessings and grace, and have moments of peace. But, I still have lots more to learn! I am excited to see Gods continuous work into 2013.

What 2013 is going to look like for me thus far:
1. More School! I will continue to take classes at Oakton Community College, working towards an associates degree in Health Information Technology, going on my second and third semester. Praying that classes will go well and I will be a diligent student! Also that I will learn how to be a light to the people in my classes.

2. As far as work, I will be finishing out the spring with the after school program, but due to summer and school commitments, I will not be returning as a lifeguard or counselor for the Morton Grove Park District. I am going to apply for volunteering at Advocate Hospital for the summer, and possibly counseling at a Church camp for a week.

3. Summer Project with Campus Crusade :). I will be going to Daytona Beach, Florida, at the end of May for two weeks to work with a team of college students to spread the good word! The trip is focused on evangelism and growing personally in your relationship with God. Praying for financial support, and support through prayer, the team and that we will have wonderful fellowship as we work together as brothers and sisters in Christ, working out a way to travel there and back, and safety! I will be posting more about this once I have more details.

4. Still looking for a young adult small group/ministry. I have been able to be somewhat involved with Cru, but it has been very difficult to attend meetings and develop relationships there. So hopefully God will direct me into a group where I can make some new friends!

5. Sabriah's wedding! That is going to be one exciting weekend, and I am looking forward to have the family come together. Plus I get a pretty awesome new brother-in-law Eric!

6. Over winter break I will be attending Indy CC which is Campus Crusade's Christmas conference.

Well, that is the plan for now, but nothing is set in stone! But its fun being optimistic.

My only resolution for this year is that I will have an open heart to what God has to teach me and I will continue to grow in my faith.